My husband and I have been married for almost two years, and we have a two year old daughter.
Before we got together, my husband was married for three years to another woman that he met in high school. they got married when they were about 18 or something…they had a kid but felt they were too young to be parents so they gave it up for adoption..Supposedly, their relationship was really bad or whatever, he said she had a lot of mental problems so they split up in 05 and I met him about six months later.
They divorced in late 2006 (after I found out that I was pregnant) and only after I took out a loan at the bank to retain an attorney for him. I had to push him to file.
I found out about three months after they divorced in 07 that he had seen her when he was in their hometown for drill, and I found out they were talking as well. I told him that I didn’t want him having contact with her anymore. So, he called her, said that he didn’t want to hear from her again, and we went on with our lives. Our child was born a few months later, and things were quiet. My husband is a wonderful father to our daughter and spoils her rotten.
Then in March of 08, I noticed her number on our phone bill numerous times and confronted him. he admitted they had been talking again for a few months. I even called her during that time, demanding to know why they keep talking, and she just said “they understand each other” and nothing inappropriate was going on. She even begged me not to kick him out over this, because nothing had happened. she even told me that although she loves him, she’s not in love with him, they just talk to each other because they understand each other. I accused them of being in love with one another and they both denied it. I also foudn out at that time that when he saw her in 07 that they had slept together.I told my husband that it was either me or her, and he once again called her and said that there would be no further contact between them again.
They cut off contact and he left for Iraq shortly after that and everything was fine after that. He came back in December, and things continued as normal. I still have issues with the ex-wife, I swear he’s still in love with her, but both he and the ex-wife have said (in the past) that it’s not possible.
Last month, I noticed a strange number on our phone bill again, so I called the number- and it was the ex-wife! I asked her why she won’t leave my husband alone, and she told me that it’s not just her contacting him, he’s contacting her as well. She went on to say that their conversations were none of my business, but it was just that -innocent conversation- and not to contact her again.
He says they aren’t talking again, but I got into his email the other day and I saw an old email from last month in which she called me paranoid, and now she expects for another year to go by without contact because she’s waiting for that inevitable “I don’t want you in my life” email from him.
His reply to her was “like I said, it’s best we not talk for awhile, but that email you referred to isn’t going to come.”
I found her boyfriend on facebook and told him they were talking again, and he said he knows, she had told him and made sure he was fine with it before she even responded to him, which leads me to believe he’s contacting her, not the other way around as he’s led me to believe. I know they arent sleeping together either, she lives 5 or 6 hours away in another city.
Why won’t my husband leave her alone? Even the ex-wife had told me a year ago when I called her that there’s no way he’s still in love with her, and even he’s told me he’s not in love with her… but if he’s not in love with her, then why can’t he let her go? Why does my husband still need to talk to her? Why can’t he give her up?! I am at my wits end and I’m pretty much through with him unless something changes. Advice please!!!!!
October 30th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Because he still wants her. Sorry.
November 1st, 2009 at 10:52 am
I think if I were married to you I would be starved for companionship and would try to contact anyone and everyone I have ever known to make up for your shortcomings.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:07 pm
my husband also has an ex she has someone else but that does not stop her making it plain she had him first and she thinks she could get him back anytime that’s what she thinks no matter how nice she is to him i make sure he is happy at home and i trust him totally
November 4th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Hon,
The fact you had to push him to file for the divorce, was a sign. But when we are in love, we tend to think the best of people.
You have been on this up and down ride with him too long. The ex may say “Oh its innocent”, but if he is sneaking and speaking with her, it is not innocent. Period.
The fact of the mater is, there are children involved here and so the two of you may have to sit down and have a serious talk; if he want the mentally unstable, whacked out woman, he can have her.
Perhaps she is right that they “understand” one another- They both are silly.
Leave while you can.
Edit: Pay shovel Head no mind on this page. You should seek someone better to make up for your hubby’s “short comings”. You are the innocent party here.
Peace.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Here’s the problem. You must have gotten pregnant almost immediately after meeting him, which means you didn’t know him at all. And then it kind of moved along at warp speed.
What you’ve got here is a guy who who has set a pattern of cheating. He technically cheated on her with you, if you were already pregnant when his divorce became final, and now he’s doing the same thing to you. And you, too, have cheated by getting pregnant with a married guy.
The situation isn’t as unique as you think. In fact, it’s very common. He’ll continue to cheat, regardless of who he’s with, and you’ll put up with it until you decide not to. And your child ends up in a broken home.
November 7th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Sounds like an emotional affair to me which can be very bad for your relationship. You need to talk to your husband about this and tell him about your concerns. And if he continues to hide it and not respect your feelings you have to do what you have to do. good luck
November 10th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Oh my God. You sad, stupid girl. I’m not going to list your name here, but let’s just say we know each other, and I am the “crazy ex-wife” in question.
I’ve told you once. I’ve told you twice. I’m going to tell you one last time, and I hope you can get this through your head: THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN YOUR HUSBAND AND MYSELF.
I don’t appreciate you putting our personal business on a public forum either. Those were private things that happened in our marriage that don’t concern you, especially about the child we gave up.. When we do talk, it’s not lovey-dovey “I miss you” type of stuff, it’s simply talking- as friends. That’s it. That plain, that simple. Yes, I do love my ex-husband, but it is not in the manner you’re interpreting it as: it’s an affection for someone who was a significant part of my past. That’s all.
Stop calling me, stop stalking my fiancee and myself, and stop putting my personal, private business out there on the internet. I will take out a restraining order against you the next time I’m in town if you do not immediately cease and desist. That is a promise.
You obviously have way too much time on your hands if all you’re doing is sitting on your ass, cyberstalking your husband and myself. I would be flattered by all this attention, if it were not completely eclipsed by my disgust at how paranoid, pathetic and insane you really are. Calling me crazy, honey? Which do you want to be today, the pot or the kettle?
I’m going to advise you to delete these asinine questions before your husband sees them, because he may not be as nice as I’m being about this. You really need to grow up, girl.